Speculation

It is not a steadfast rule, but I have a general policy: I don’t answer the phone if it is a number I don’t recognize… unless I’m in the car. Then I really don’t have anything better to be doing, and I don’t use a Bluetooth, and breaking minor laws can often help avoid boredom.

One day I get a phone call in the car and an abridged version of the conversation went something like this:

“As an avid investor would you be interested in learning more about some great investment opportunities?”

“I don’t know.”

“How about a company that invests in oil?”

“Maybe.”

“What about a business that invests in rare stamps from the 1930’s?”

“Probably not.”

“How about a company that specializes in making environmentally friendly electrical decisions?”

“Maybe.”

(The conversation continued this way for several types of businesses. Trying to get through the list so I could figure out where this was going I started to get less particular.)

“What about a firm that sells additional appendages to robots living on other planets?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. Thanks for your time. I’ll give your information to all of those businesses so they can contact you about investing in their companies.”

“Wait. What? Don’t… Hold on… Uh… Um… Bye.”

Since that call I’ve had an increase in unrecognizable numbers contacting me. I’ve even answered a few times.

“Can I speak with Kevin Burrill?”

“This is him.”

“If I made a quality presentation would I be able to convince you to invest $80,000 into a highly profitable gasoline and oil company?”

“I teach math.”

Last Thursday morning I wasn’t in the car, but I did have supervision duty before my first class and about 10 minutes to kill so I answered again. This time he did a sales pitch letting me know that I needed to buy in his company because recently the CEO has been buying up shares, and “who knows the company better than its CEO?” I didn’t know the strength of that argument, but I did understand that 200 shares at four bucks a share was a lot less money than 25 grand or 80 grand. So I decided to take a gamble and agree to buy 200 shares.

Later I reflected on this purchase as I had somehow I managed to buy 200 shares in a company I literally knew nothing about. I didn’t know the name of the company, or even the industry. Who does that? All I knew was the CEO has recently been buying up the shares. I assumed I wasn’t the second largest owner.

Then the salesman called me back to let me know he needed the check within seven days of the order. However, all the information was mailed to my parents house, the address associated with this sales list. My parents mailed me the documents, but it wasn’t going to be in time. I’m been extremely busy at work. Finally, I wrote him and e-mail saying to just cancel my order, because I didn’t have time to take care of this, and basically I was talked into buying shares in a company I knew nothing about. He called me back upset and said, “Did I do something wrong? Your e-mail made it sound like I shoved stock down your throat.” It did feel like that a little, but he asked me to send a positive e-mail back so it would be on record, and to not e-mail him anymore. At Raymond’s request I did send back another e-mail, but I was still skeptical.

Also, he uses his full name. Raymond.

Finally, Friday night I went to Steph’s house and together we reviewed all of the documents. There were several shady things in the document. My birthday was off by one digit. My social security number was off by one digit. My address was my parents’ address. Some of my general information had been changed or never discussed. I had told him on the phone my net worth was basically nothing. Yet, the box that was checked for net worth said $100,000-$500,000. It said I was a frequent investor with at least ten years experience, and my preferred choice of investments was speculation. So basically the information ranged from accurate, to exaggerated, to flat out wrong.

Plus we looked up a picture of Raymond and Steph added, “He even looks like a weasel.”

So I texted Raymond early Saturday morning and he called back immediately from his office. I openly expressed all of my concerns, and let him know I was hesitant and new to this entire process. He continued to respond as a complete salesperson. He had an answer for everything. He was a good talker. He used techniques like consistently rounding off the numbers in his favor. I’m not saying he was a liar, but definitely a manipulator, and a salesman. I mean just last week he convinced me to buy 200 shares in a company I knew nothing about: this guy was good.

I took the aggregate of all this information. Documented typos. Manipulative tactics. Fabricated information. A broker that I didn’t trust on the phone, that asked me not to e-mail in the future, and looks (and acts) like a weasel.

So I did what any reasonable human would have done at that point. I let him talk me into 800 more shares and immediately sent him a check for five times the original amount.

Anyone have a bridge they want to sell me? I may be in the market.