Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Search Engine

This week I've received blog hits from two different google searches.
Someone searched: "just go in your pants"
Someone else searched: the watcherman

I'm glad I could be there for these people.

Sunday, July 26, 2009


My parents said to me, “There’s no way to get to a bathroom. So if you really have to pee, just go in your pants.” (Actually, knowing my parents they probably didn’t use the word pee. So insert some euphemism there so we don’t use such offensive language like “pee.” My guess is “urinate.”) I don’t even remember exactly where we were, but there were a ton of people. I think the Rose Parade in Pasadena. My exact age I don’t recall, but I was at the age where my parents might have said to me, “There’s no way to get to a bathroom. So if you really have to pee, just go in your pants.” My little brother was that age also. (For the math people you can consider his age: x-1).

Now, more than 25 years later, I question their reasoning. When would you have ever tell a young boy that he should just pee in his pants? And why would you say that to two boys that at the time weren’t even thinking about going to the bathroom? Couldn’t you just wait until one them said, “I need to go potty,” and pull out a cup to throw away later. I just can’t imagine sitting there with piss-filled pants being an enjoyable situation for a young child. To be honest, I can’t imagine the whole rose parade experience being an enjoyable situation for a young child.

How did we make that choice? I’m pretty sure they didn’t ask me at the time. “Kevin, do you want to go to the parade with hundreds of thousands of other spectators to witness first hand some of the most amazing floats every assembled, or would you rather go outside and dig a hole with a stick?” Even now, I’m not sure which I would choose.

I wonder if this is my earliest memory. I also question why I woke up this morning recalling this story. I even hear the tone of my mom’s voice telling me I can piss my pants. Exasperated. She probably couldn’t find anything to be stressed about so she looked around until she realized the crowd was too thick for us to navigate through to get to a bathroom. I’m sure that discomfort brought her some comfort. But maybe next time she could think of the pee in a cup idea.

Eventually I had to urinate. That does happen to all of us eventually. Like a good boy I remembered what my mother told me. So I just pissed my pants. And everyone got all mad at me. I didn’t understand my pee in your pants direction was only relevant for a specific period of time. My dad scooped me up and rushed me to a nearby bathroom and cleaned me up. A bathroom. Damn. I could have just gone in here.

Thought of the Week

What did you guys think of last week's thought of the week? Can I get some comments please. Maybe something like: "I didn't realize what it was at first, but then I thought it was cool."

Constance Bay: Everything You Need

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Beer Me!

I previously said that I would buy a beer to whoever was my 2,000th blog visitor. It turns out if you sign on repeatedly the blog counter will not count you unless a certain amount of time has elapsed. I wondered if the 2,000th hit would be from someone that knew of the contest or a random visitor. I hit the 2,000 today, but wasn't sure who it was. Later I saw the following e-mail:

Beer me!

And no questions, please, about whether I have anything better to do on a sunny Saturday afternoon than run up a web counter...

It even included a screenshot to prove it.

He didn't just stumble on number 2,000. When he saw the count at 1,992 this morning he worked hard. Reloading the page did not add to the number, but using different browsers did and also different computers. Several computers and 30 minutes later he was my 2,000th visitor. That's a well-earned beer. Plus I got a good laugh out of the e-mail.

**Also, during the process of writing this blog I learned that since I've started using gmail I've had 110 e-mails that contain both the words "beer" and "me."
That sounds about right.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Practice Writing a Paragraph

In my training last week we did a “getting to know you activity” that we could use in our classrooms. We were to select five questions from a list of twenty to ask our partner, and write a paragraph using the information we learned. I asked Leann the following five questions:
Which member of your family do you like the most? Why?
Where would you like to travel?
If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be? Why?
What is your favorite TV program or movie? Why?
What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?

I quickly wrote the following paragraph:

Topic Sentence:
Leann is crazy, fun, hung-over, and occasionally exposes herself in public.

Part of her fun is demonstrated by her travels with her favorite family member, Jeffrey. They’ve taken two trips covering the continent of Europe. Because of too much drinking last night she now describes herself using the metaphor of a mango. She has little basis for this decision except that mangos are tropical like her sparkling personality. Her favorite T.V. show is “Weeds” because of the captivating drama, and she too aspires to one day become a drug-dealing mother of three.

Concluding Sentence:
In conclusion, no matter what kind of fruit you think she is, she’s still a lot of fun, even the bartender at Fanny Ann’s would agree.

I read it to Leann, she nodded and said, “That sounds about right.”

Thought of the Week

tsi mahnu uterna ot twan ot guifer hingts uto.

Easter Basket

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Little Things

I walked home from work today. As I approached my apartment a young man on a skateboard was heading toward me on the same sidewalk. Despite being within fifteen feet of me he still had the desire to do some minimal trick on a nearby step. Now with him even closer I stopped walking to make sure I didn't get hit. That way he could navigate around me. As he passed he stuck up his hand as one would do to reguest a high-five, made eye contact with me, and said, "Happy Wednesday." It happened so fast I didn't even respond verbally, but I smiled and gave him a high-five. I kept smiling as I walked up the stairs to my computer.

Happy Wednesday.

Friday, July 10, 2009

No Column This Week

I'm going to be camping this weekend so I will not be writing my regular column this Sunday. I believe this will be my first week off since September. I apologize for this inconvenience, and I hope at least one of you is a little disappointed.

I've decided on the prize for my 2,000 blog hit person. I will buy you a drink next time I see you. Winner must be 21 years or older, and must see me to redeem drink by 12/31/09. If you're not in Indonesia, Florida, the Midwest, or... Let me start over. If you're in or near northern CA I think we can make the drink happen. You can check the number of hits at the bottom of the page. (currenlty at 1,866 as I write). Please notify me if you are exactly 2,000.

For your viewing pleasure I have included below two fails this week. I promise to be back next week in full force.


Two Fails

Monday, July 6, 2009


My faucet was dripping in the tub so I had the maintenance guy come out to take care of it. He replaced the washers. On his way out I decided to ask him about the high-pitched shower noise.

I told him that it makes an awful noise unless I change the water pressure.
He responded, "Then change the pressure."


Thought of the Week

"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."
--Yogi Berra

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Friday, July 3, 2009


I went to post a comment on a different blog. I didn't want to sign up on their system so I attempted to post anonymously.

It Said:

  • You can't post anonymously in this person's journal.
  • Please confirm you are a human below.

I didn't end up leaving a post, so at this point there has not been confirmation.