ER Regularity

I took quite a hit at my ultimate game last Wednesday. After several more plays I was still dizzy and removed myself from the game. The guys on the other team noticed my condition and cautioned me to drink plenty of liquid and not pass out.

Still feeling dizzy and nauseous the next day I called in for a substitute. However, after a couple hours and one load of laundry, I found myself unable to sleep so I drove to work. I explained to the office manager I suffered a mild concussion the night before in my game, but didn't think it was likely I would pass out while teaching (I had myself at 200 to 1 against). Soon I found myself on the phone with an advice nurse, and explaining to the school counselor that I did not want to go into the doctor. Eventually, I had her yelling at me "you men are all the same," while the principal insisted that I could not return to my job. Then the track coach (I don't know how he got involved) was playing the role of mediator. He determined that I could keep my 4:00pm appointment, but as a compromise would rest in the nurse's office until that time. I refused mediation and replied, "if that's the case then just take me now." The principal (also a woman) replied, "Good. Go now then." The spiral of over-reaction led to me being driven to the hospital against my will, leaving my car at work.

I checked myself into the ER. I wouldn't exactly call myself a regular there, but this was my second visit in the last six months. This time I got a bed and a room. They even put some plastic suction cups on my chest and hooked me up to one of those machines to make sure I didn't die. It was just like the movies. As the nurse set me up she apologized in advance for the hair that was going to be ripped off my chest upon removal. I told I had considered waxing it. She replied stoically, "hair on the chest for males is normal." Oh, thank you for that enlightenment. While your grabbing me a blanket in the hall feel free to look for a personality. My doctor was young, female, personable, and fairly attractive. She confirmed my self-diagnosis of a mild concussion and told me she would give me some meds. She offered oral medication or intravenous. I checked the time and figured I had at least an hour and half till someone from work could come get me so I opted for the IV (that is after first confirming that there was no additional charge for it).

I asked to use the bathroom and a new nurse came to my aid. He looked at the computer and said, "No urine test was ordered, but just in case..." Let me tell you peeing in a cup is not very satisfying. I let some out in the cup, but then finished my release in the toilet as I had planned. As he hooked up my IV he says, "No blood test was ordered, but just in case..." Clearly precautions were taken. Before he pumped the first drug into me he asked, "Have you ever had blahblahblahcose before?" No. I was at the bar the other day and was going to ask for some, but I went ahead just got a gin and tonic. He then explained that one in a hundred people become anxious from the medication. He pumped in a second drug and then left with the IV attached and flowing.

Within minutes I was freaking out. My heart was racing; I couldn't sit still. The lines on the computer were waving and it was beeping just like in the movies. Except, unlike the movies, nobody rushed in to check on me. I hit the button for the nurse. I said, "I don't want to be hooked up to anything anymore. I want to go home now." He got the doctor. She told me I couldn't just go walk around, but she would get some drug to calm me down. It did. She sent me home with two prescriptions, some literature about concussions, her home phone number, and told me I couldn't play contact sports for two weeks. I inquired as to what constituted a contact sport and she told me I was a big boy and could make that determination on my own. Which is a good thing, cause I got a game on Wednesday (I'll take it easy).